The whole country is either off at Oxegen, Bruce Springstein or an All Ireland game over the weekend.

Oxegen is gay, huge outdoor concerts are gay and Punchestown Racecourse is gay, tents and camping are gay, burger vans and food poisoning are gay, 3 hour traffic getting there and 5 hour traffic getting out is very gay and anyone who would pay hard earned money to endure even one of the above is gay. Ergo, so is anyone who went.

Bruce Springstein and the E Street Band? Bruce is a gay name, this has been proven over time. I don’t have proof to hand but trust me on this. And his group of followers call themselves after a street? My guess is it’s home to a string of gay boutiques where they all worked while struggling as musicians. The RDS is gay too.

All Ireland is GAAy. Packing yourself into a sports venue to watch sweaty men chase each other around for balls? GAAy. The players don’t get paid, I’ve heard the stewards don’t get paid and yet you pay for tickets, jerseys and kits. They have GAAy clubs all over the country where you pay for membership, pay for drinks at the bar, play the local lotto that is never, ever, ever, ever won. GAAy. Basically, where is the money going? It’s going on being GAAy. Oh, and that’s how it should be pronounced from now on:
The GAAy not The GAAh.

It’s prounounced NAAyS or the NAAys Road. Not NAAhs or the NAAhs road.

They’re not fooling me, the pack of GAAyS.

Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, you understand.